He never tells me anything until i find out or i discuss my issues. My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up recently, but within a few days, he decided he wanted to get back together to work things out. But even after reminding him of that, nothing happen. The first two years of your relationship were his acting skills at the finest. Also he NEVER wants to have sex so that concerns me too. I double-majored in physics and mathematics and was sooooo constantly busy and very emotionally abused at the time in my relationship. So I honestly dont understand. I miss him and who he use to be,at the same time am preparing myself for the worst! And thats what messes with me a lotwhy doesnt he want to do the same for me. Then once the virus hit, he completely changed. But I have stopped always responding to him quickly and am now just being courteous but not engaging beyond that, and he gets concerned and starts asking whats wrong, am i mad at him, etc. I feel like my heart is breaking already, just waiting for the dreaded phone call to say he cant give me what I want when Ive said all I want is some time together an hour here or there, some texts to show he cares I dont feel its much but if its too much for him then I guess I need to accept things. Were both in college and when we started dating we were together all the time, we went out together with friends, we watched movies, etc. I dont deserve this. He is educated, working on a doctorate degree, employed, non smoker, drinks socially, is religious and knowledgeable about the Bible. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. Then, youll have the wisdom and guidance you need. He says he works so hard for me or us so we can have the things we want in life and Im so grateful but money isnt everything. Some of your traits are similar to mine and some are similar to someone that I was dating at the time. its just do not putting attention at all. I dont know if hes dealing with somethings, but Ive decided to give him space & focus on me. Hes now working at a new job since Jan and its great! so I do have to take that into account, and when his parents go away for the summer its wayyyy easier to spend more time with him, he becomes so laid back. I stayed because I felt that I deserved to hear those things, I was being enlightened about what others saw in me but were just too polite to say to me. it took me years before I finally moved on. It confuses us because we know the love ie there. Ive bin going through a similar situation with a guy. Does Your Life Feel Pointless Without a Relationship? I feel it has been one sided in many ways and all he has given me is monetary odds and ends to compensate for the lack of emotional effort on his part. Right now hes not even talking to me. I felt like I would never find anyone else who would want me, this douche bag was as good as I was ever going to get. Hes him. we recently got back together after a break up. No texting. I dont think Ill ever want to be in another relationship again. FUnny thing is that he will get on a call with an annoying know it all bitch he works remotely with and chat. So I dug in my heels, and he had a stressful day at work, so it ended with him yelling that I was bipolar and he needed a break before I left and he went back to work. laugh etc for 45-60 mins. His answer was, Havent I been patient enough? I dont know what else to say about any of it, but I do know that Im getting more depressed by the day. Especially when fighting. So I am working on adjusting my expectations so I dont get disappointed. One particularly painful reason that a partner has checked out could be that they've lost interest in the relationship and don't wish to pursue it any longer. maybe its because im his first gf and he doesnt know exactly how to treat one, but it still makes me sad to think that he might not love me that much. I realize ,Im no cup of tea at times either but I never lied, cheated or left him in the dark .I feel incredibly cheated by the amount of time I spent culturing and cultivating a better life for him so that he may go impress someone else because of what I had endured dealing with his crumbs of affection why is it with men its all up your ass or nothing at all where is the balanced gentleman I so crave ? If youre reading this article and the comments, Im sorry youre here. Im in the same exact boat. Last week,for like 2/3 days hes been quiet and inactive. He says sometimes he appreciates me but words mean nothing, actions do. You dont deserve to be treated like nothing. He tells me that he loves me very much and I know he does. Let him come to you. He is failing to realize that I am being affected too. He said he was my family and I took that wholeheartedly. In a year and a half weve gone on maybe 2 dates and I had to beg for them. I know its a tough pill to swallow, but in time you will heal. Im going to be a junior in a few months and hell be a freshman in college. If youre always playing offense, you could continually be hurting your partner's feelings, thereby offending, alienating, and pushing them away. monthly anniversaries, birthdays, gifts, restaurants, and so on everything disappeared after a conflict he said doesnt see a future with me as he barely thinks about his own future. It doesnt matter what words youre saying, the message is clear: I will tolerate this, as long as you let me explain repeatedly why I dont agree with it. The most important lesson Ive learned from my love life is this: My role is to set boundaries. Ironic the 6th year anniversary I spoke of then is on Monday and we were supposed to be celebrating by going to the place we went on our first date tomorrow, instead, because they arent open on Mondays. I would have send him through money to pay for the tea, its annoying tho that I know he went out that night and bought all his workmates drinks. There are sometimes I try to talk to him about my day, and he is listening but he doesnt engage or seem interested. The difference in mine is that he does apologies very often but never changesand I cant keep up anymore, I am simply not happy and not sure what do to do with that, I even doubting myself If I am not the one who is the wrong person. I met his mom for the first time when his parents stopped by, we took his dog paddle boarding. But by week three the little things stopped happening I chalked it up to me being less a guest in his home and more a comfortable companion. However, just before christmas time, the same things started to happen again, effort drops off. You can adjust your expectations and change your reactions. Today, when he suggested that i pass by him, I was pissed off and i let me know that I this made me feel bad and confused. HE ALWAYS FORGETS. he is so family oriented and almost makes it seem as if his parents and his family is more important than me. If you have never met in person then its more than enough reason to break up with him. So I stopped doing that and now treat him like just a friend. I love my girlfriend but I never know what to say to her. But anyway recently it just feels like hes not trying to be romantic or even putting much in, Ik our situation is very complicated and he is probably dealing with his dad still but I have to help my nana everyday and I still make time for him, send him cute messages like I made some welsh cakes I was thinking I could drop some off and give you a little peck as kind of a joke and he just replied with no dont do that. He lost his dad, my nana nearly died and now needs constant care then her partner died and now this lockdown. Now he says he doesnt like my friends so he never makes an effort to go out with me when Im with them. That was on Friday. And so on. Ive communicated everything and yet nothing. And the only way to do that to take more care of our own selves, love ourselves moretruly love our self! Perhaps you're the one whos losing interest: If you're constantly distracted, always on the phone, and aren't invested in your S.O. I thought after he quit his job he would have no excuse, but now he just puts even more time into video games. I mean, the love we have for them would still be there. We are an older couple early 60s. Ignoring a guy to get his attention is really about not giving up time for yourself and the things that make you happy. Your email address will not be published. You cant change your boyfriend. He now expects this but does not reciprocate. So..instead of taking to his office or doing it later. I am very confused and angry at myself because I know he wasnt like that in his previous relationship endeavors. He begrudgingly paid the initial payment of $600 but was pissed because he expected me to spend my winter break, the first break Ive had for myself since before my mom got diagnosed with cancer on 2020, working full time to save up the $1800 tuition. Is he telling me things just to shut me up or does he blurt things out impulsively. Before that weve only met to chat, watch a movie or take a walk. I think the best thing to do would be to withdraw and give him space. Another thing is that my relationship with him heavily influenced my religion. If I try to go out of the way to show gratitude, he insists I dont care. I told him 3 times that this has bothered me and he has made no effort to change this. Rather call it quit now and learn to live without him as soon as possible because you are in a loveless relationship. Maybe you feel grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first. Hello everyone, i have a story to share! WebiStock. He is a mental health counselor and I am a registered nurse. I completely understand that, but I dont hear him ever compliment me or anything that I do. I came across a guy who seemed familiar but had a different name. Covid has not helped at all. You cant let him be the center of your life! The moment we start falling in love with spending time alone, and with good friends, spend more time away from him, but still caring for them when we are available, that way, if he is truly someone worth being with and if he truly loves you, he will be the one missing you being curious of what exciting things you are up to. Are you expecting more from your boyfriend than he can give? Yet he continues to text me daily, send me daily updates on everything he is doing, etc. I may be demanding at times but I definitely know I deserve more than the effort hes willing to put in. Does not show any effort at all, but claims to love me so much. He may be afraid to show sensitivity, make sure to let him know that its okay for him to cry. I know it sounds like Im materialistic but Im not, I just want effort. I feel so let down all the time when I really am not asking for much. Get woke honey, the mans just not that into you. I keep trying to be loving and affectionate and hes always too busy and it gets on his nerves because Im stopping him from doing whatever hes doing. I couldnt take the iPad with me if i snuck out but i did tell him to meet me at my gate at midnight. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. I know thats not what you want to hear. I give it some days to really think what I wanted to do and I decided I wanted to work it out so I talked to him and expressed how I felt and ask what made him want to do this. He also always texts me daily, and he is generally the one to text first, and always responds to my texts immediately. A Relationship Expert Explains, How to Recognize Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Your Spouse, Chemistry Between People Depends on These 7 Traits, Signs and Causes of Emotional Neglect in a Marriage and How to Cope, 8 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner, 16 Signs of Falling in Love That Mean It's Real, How to Stop Being Needy in a Relationship, How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, 10 Signs of an Emotionally-Abusive Relationship, How to Ask for a Father's Permission to Marry His Daughter. I was dipping into my bucket to bring him up but I wasnt getting anything in return. Now he wants us to not meet more than 2 times per week, even if none of us are working or studying full time at the moment. When we talked about moving in together I did it all. You cant control your feelings, but you can control what you say and do. But I decided to tell my bf what makes me happy. He forgave me and I eventually moved back. ? line and starts listing all the nice things he did recently. He never calls me beautiful or cute and pretty no matter how much I try to dress up and impress him, he never notices anymore. I feel its all one sided. Its also heartbreaking, especially when you want to be with him. This makes me Am I the problem here? I dont know what he wants from me. Im sorry but what hes doing is horrible, really bad boyfriend in my eyes. This may be too shallow for some but I have never receive a single petal from my boyfriend lol. kissing, hugging, sex, cuddling, EVERYTHING! He does not even get up in the morning and brush his teeth, put on deodorant ,etc. This sounds like a mentally and abusive situation. I used to take accountability for the frequent fights once they started. Ive been doing long distance for nearly 4 years now which hasnt been so good with COVID but honestly thats just an excuse, I think our relationship was still doing bad back then. His plan to get a better job (he was very cocky and confident a massive promotion would just land on his lap as soon as he graduated like one day someone would email him out of the blue from Linkedin and offer him a CEO job or something) so he has become depressed. I been paying for everything(food,gas,food, weed). This yr even I got nothing from his side. Hi Ella. Hi Jessica, Sweetie this man is never going to love you the way you want him too.He may love you the only way he knows how and its not a healthy kind of love by your comments. However, how do we Know that the ll will Change? He cheated on me and the worst part is that he left like me a cigarette butt. Open your heart to Jesus; listen to His call on your life. It just seems like a cliche movie begining or something. He has cheated messages online I found a year ago. Nothing. When you're unpredictable, he'll get more excited when you reach out. I hope things get better. If youre depressed by my first tip on what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship (accept him for who he is right now), Ive got good news for you! Sometimes I felt that he was mad at me, he would say that I was a show off or that I always took things too seriously. Just because he misses a few phone calls or texts doesn't mean he is ignoring you." You cant change how he acts toward youyou can only change your expectations. I decided to pull back and just sit and watch. And i just wish the fighting would stop, i seriously cant take. Stop working for him. I clean, cook, bring him sandwiches to his work, take care of the dog while he does nothing. Doing this you will find out more about yourself. Within the past 2 years. And silly me, I was waiting for his reply all night.I know hes got alot to deal with rn and all Im asking for is a time-to-time update so I can be at peace.Is that too much to ask for? I asked him to spend Memorial Day with me shocker he forgot and made other plans. Haha. Dont ever think you are alone btw! I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and weve known each other for 10 years. I ask my boyfriend to do simple things like make me a coffee once in while, ask if i got home safe, tell me im beautiful, or just ask me on a date. Am I expecting too much from him? It hurts, but Ive got to learn to let go. And I hardly have any money since I am paying for literally everything. Hes been consistent so far. Some of the things that he was doing I perceived them differently than how he intended them. Ive had absolutely enough. 's life, you're sending clear signals that your partner isn't important to you. I think its not enough to say I dont feel like Im a priority. Im in the same exact situation as u, word for word its very frustrating and I dont know what else to do to fix it. I told him I loved him and the only reason why I would ever leave him is if he cheated on me. I also pay all the bills, budgeting, grocery shopping. I am often not successful but I realized in the last 1-2 years, it is him. But he say he is not in happy After this all, at some point he started to chnge himself. He also said that I know how he is and that he is tired from work. P.S. This is the only problem in our relationship, the lack of effort. So i moved out and got my own place and we continued dating. That way, I can assure two things. At first, he was working, seeing his daughter, making me coffee in the morning, starting my car for me, doing dishes, and laundry and now ten months in, he lost his job, and I have no idea if hes looking for a job. I cannot communicate with him. Did his feelings change? Just about two weeks ago, the cycle broke. He says it just happened because we live in the same house, so it doesnt matter. Im not sure how to approach any of this with him. And even now he knows that there are small things he has done to make me feel loved and special (eg my name on his ig bio without me asking) and Ive made it so so clear that these small things make so so happy, but I just noticed that he removed my name from his bio yesterday and it breaks my heart because thats the one thing he has done that reminded me he loves me.. its so stupid because its such a small thing but at this point I have been so starved of love that I dont have anything else. The day before yesterday he texted me saying hes been feeling unwell and didnt get much sleep. He felt his place was his and he wanted to keep his place sacred and clean! Please advice me on this. ?pretty much hurts and also my first. I just wish he thought about me enough to want to do things for meto put in effort just for me, Gilr im sorry But the either already have someone else or he is flirting with someone. As his tummy is upset, but theres been more times idk I just think in this lockdown Ill message him say Im not far from where he is and Im like I could drive past wave from my car and hes like no dont do that. I love my boyfriend very much but he is so difficult to understand in the morning you will text with much love and in the evening he will tell you I dont know how to love, you deserve someone better who can give you money among others . My name is leonna and I have been seeing this amazing guy for 3 months now. I may be overreacting sometimes, but I believe my feelings are valid. DESAFIO SINTONIA DA PROSPERIDADE: https://hotm.art/bMGvF75N He doesnt come over, we dont go on dates. Forget it. He sounds lazy and you sound unhappy. Around that time, he moved to the same part of the city as me and started going to the skate park too. i refused saying that I am already busy, in which I am and I told him quit rankly i need you to plan before hand and so we can both be free. He would always talk about me meeting his family and he discussed me moving in with him eventually. As well BALANCE is a VERY hard thing for men I have learned. Start taking care of Yourself. I would put makeup on and wait hours for him to finish his video games, only for him to tell me hes sorry he got caught up, but hes tired and doesnt have time. And you need to figure out why youre not asking him to treat you better. I appreciated it still but it was all cheap and last minute, again lack of effort. recently,his uncle and fam went to visit them and its been quiet hectic for him with three energetic kids pestering him every moment. Im still dissatisfied I guess. He confess to me that he started to love in our 1 month relationship. Trust me, because I have gone through absolute bad times and still risen like a phoenix. And dont get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with him regardless, it just got really boring and frustrating after half a year. We could barely recover from the last blowout and a month or two later boom! The last few years have been tough. I know he is under a huge amount of stress because of work issues and family issues We dont spend much time with each other since we are both extremely busy, however; I am always keen to plan my time so we could at least spend half a day with each other weekly or every two weeks. So yeah after that we began talking and calling. He is trying to save the world on his own. He really hurt me in the past (when we werent together) regarding other girls but hes never actually done anything when weve been going out. Ive been dating my boyfriend for four years. Youve probably heard of Love Languages before, and it sounds like your main love language is either physical touch or acts of service (showing someone you love them by doing things that help them). im not saying there isnt things wrong with me but i havent done anything to deserve this kind of treatment i wait on him hand and foot and im just getting exhausted but i dont want give up. My 30th birthday was two days ago. That it was fine even though I was angry but I didnt show him the anger. I recently said I needed a romantic date, and other things kept coming up. But the few times i ask him to go out of his way for me, its like im not important enough for him to do anything for. I really dont know what how to go about it. I feel in this kind of limbo where expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship that doesnt actually exist makes me sound like a basket case. Fast forward to after the trip, he rolled back into town and expected me to be completely free for him to come over to loaf around my apartment. i already confronted him with the issues and tried to convince him to change and make things smooth. All of the sudden he said hes not into texting. Now we seem so disconnected. He calls me stupid n crazy. second: (and here is the big thing!) He pays alawys though i offer to pay but he refuses. That doesnt only mean that hes We went on a trip. I am not an emotionally stable person I take meds for anxiety and depression and have for years now. Or do I allow that this person has already shown me who they are, and leave? The bonus to this approach? I stayed in that relationship. Perhaps he wasnt taught how to love a woman, and he hasnt taken time to learn what goes into a happy, healthy relationship. When I try to talk to him about my feelings he never ever knows how to react and just completely closes off from me. Im just about done with him. He has been better now and takes time to analyze his intention before he says more. Just because he's hot and cold doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you and is backing out. This guy is really bad for you, and you know it. feels as though what they say doesn't matter (and they've stopped talking altogether), then look within. They may not come true. Yet never once hes let me in. it just makes me sad. He wont think through things for different perspective. Im a modest gal. All he does is playing fucking video games all day and night. What should I do? If they are willing- great! After going through with this behaviour for around 3 months (I was going insane) I caught him lying and speaking to a number of females behind my back as more than just friends. I know love makes me blind, could anyone tell me what I have been missing in this relationship please? In the beginning, they go overboard to make us happy. If we cant COMMUNICATE with our guys needs to be worked on by both parties. I bought him a beautiful set of cufflinks from his university for Christmas. I think his lack of effort is reflective of being afraid of going through all of that again. Were both still full time students living at home. We were fine for the first 6 months, then with this virus we havent been able to see each other. i asked if he was going to write in his and he flipped his lid. He was grateful but got me nothing. Im confused by this guy I had been seeing before coronavirus lockdown. Need. All I think of him is selfish & inconsiderate of everyones feelings but his own. I hope this gives you some courage, you deserve to be happy! No boyfriend in the world can fill the emptiness that only God can fill. For three months to see each other for 10 years texted me saying hes been feeling unwell and get! Weeks ago, the lack of effort is reflective of being afraid of going through similar. It, but Ive decided to pull back and just sit and watch abused the. 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